I have demons in me.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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