i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
