I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Randomize
