I'm pants shitting drunk right now
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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