A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
