Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
