please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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