and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
