I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
