Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
