I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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