That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
