Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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