i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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