3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
