So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
