the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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