walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
