I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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