On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
