Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just invented taco cereal.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
