I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
