I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
be right there i have to get my cape
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
