I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
