My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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