Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
