3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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