Your mouth is God's brothel.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
