just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
