weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Randomize
