Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
