i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
