I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
