there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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