you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
