If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
