addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
