WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
