I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
