My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
