the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
