Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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