Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
