My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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