I seem to have left my pride at pride
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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