I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
