Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So here I am, sexting at work.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
