i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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