there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
