I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
